Day: -13 Not Nice...Lice!

So there comes a time in every shelter worker's life when they have their first run-in with our parasitic little buddy, the common louse.

For me, my first time tragically intersected with the emerging relationship I was in with my future wife.

For weeks we had been battling a major lice outbreak at the shelter. In the process we very nearly caused a mass conflagration that would have definitely made our 15 minutes of fame, in a very bad way. More about that another day.

With terrible fascination, one of out resident sociopath's had pinned a louse to the piano, and was making hourly observations of its vitality. After three days it started to crawl up the pin towards freedom. That's when I knew we were in trouble.

My shift ended at 11PM and on my way home I would stop at my girlfriend's house. We would watch Perry Mason sitting on the couch in her living room after her parents had gone to bed. Once Perry had put the bad guy away I would pack up and go home.

One afternoon, getting ready for a shower before work I was stunned, appalled, dismayed and several other adjectives that end in -ed to discover a lonely louse crawling across my chest. Fortunately, I was a newly minted soldier in the war on lice and knowing exactly what to do I lept into action.

Halfway through the mass sterilization of casa Druce, I realized with horror that the night before was a Perry Mason night. Sure, Deborrah was an understanding and compassionate woman, but this was really going to test the limits of our relationship.

Off I went to the drug store to buy $150 worth of Kwellada, the preferred WMD in the war on lice. The warning label on Kwellada said to be careful not to use it too often as it was known to cause neurological damage. Another days tale will recount a fellow who was living proof of this. With great trepidation I arrive at Deborrah's house and rang the front door bell. What I didn't count on was the door being opened by her Mother, whom I had never met.

An awkward moment.

Thinking things can't get any worse, I decide to put on my game face and tough it out. "Hi" I said, "I'm the guy whose dating your daughter and I have lice, now you do too". Handing over the bag I made a break for it.